Oh Brother James.

   I know that I have spent most of my posts updating y’all on what I’m doing and where I’m at physically, but I thought that I should do a short update on how I’m REALLY doing…if that makes any sense?? I was trying to think of one word that would really describe my spiritual state at the moment and I could only think of one word: overwhelmed.  I am overwhelmed in my spirit.  I have come to the point in my walk where the Lord is ready to take me deeper.  He’s ready to take me places I never thought I could ever go.  I just don’t know how I’m going to get there.  
   The past week and a half in discipleship, we’ve been studying the book of James.  I have read James a MILLION and a half times and I’ve always thought it was quite nice…until I began to really read the text.  Soak it into my soul.  Read it from the perspective of a man that spent a lot of time with Jesus.  I will never be the same.  As I have been reading and re-reading this small five-chapter book, I feel like every single word pierces my heart and shows me where I don’t line up.  I’m overwhelmed.  I know it doesn’t sound like very much fun to read an entire book in the Bible, and feel so convicted, but in a weird way, it has been the best thing I’ve experienced in my walk with Christ.  I can hear the voice of the Lord tenderly speaking to me showing me where I’m wrong, but also promising me to take me where He wants me to be.  If I draw near to Him, He will draw near to me.  
   Right now I wish I could tell you what exact changes will be made and what it will look like, but to be honest, I have no clue.  All I know is that there is no way I can rationalize in my head that I can stay the same.  God is exposing my flaws in my character and the times in my life where I claim to have such a strong faith, but my actions in the small things dong line up.  I mean, sure, I’m here as a missionary.  That’s cool.  But my faith and actions must also line up in smaller things. Do I judge and slander?  Do become of the world and an enemy of God? What about loving when you don’t feel like it or sacrificing your rights when you think you deserve something that you don’t?  Or forgiving those that you don’t want to?  I don’t know, seems like a lot to me.  Overwhelming, really.  
   So pretty much, I’m here in Jeffreys Bay, South Africa getting my world shaken up.  God is pushing me to jump off the cliff and go deeper, but in order to do so I have to lose a lot more of myself.  I’m ready for it.  I’m ready to lay it down. It’s time.  

   A short ministry update.  This week has been incredible.  I absolutely love both ministries I’m involved in.  The Joshua Project is amazing. The kids are definitely warming up to us and are loving every second we are with them.  I have already fallen in love with a little boy named Keegan.  Who knows, maybe I’ll pack him in my suitcase for Christmas???  The clinic has been great too! We are finally starting to really build some trust with the Sisters (nurses) there.  We do cleaning and things, but this week they actually let me get into the pharmacy and help them out.  It rocked.  It was a big step for them to let us do that!  AND this morning Hilliary, Katie, and I decided to go help them run their breast cancer awareness day.  We worked hard just serving the ladies there and helping all the sisters keep things running. It definitely helped confirm that I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be.
   Tomorrow we are throwing a fall festival at our house.  American style with the traditional bean bag toss, gone fishing booth, bobbing for apples, etc.  Its going to rock! Cant wait.  We invited all our Afrikans friends, so we’ll see what they think about American festivities!!:)  

  Until next time…love you guys.